Maybe you have seen a girl around, and you have been dreaming of just going up and talking to her. However, approaching someone for the first time is nerve-wracking in most instances; add your new crush into the mix, and you might be a bumbling mess. Sometimes, though, the result is infinitely worth the risk.
1. Make eye contact. Spend a few days catching her gaze every now and then. Don’t just stare at her, though; instead, shoot her small glances until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does, smile slightly and look away after a second. You’ll probably blush as well, which is all the better – blushing indicates you’re nervous, which is a hint that you like her.
2. Time it right. When you do talk to her, pick a time that’s convenient. Don’t try to get her attention when she’s obviously involved in something else, and try to have a bit of privacy – you don’t have to be completely alone, but her attention shouldn’t be too distracted.
Make the interaction extra casual (and put a time limit on it) by talking to her while you’re both walking somewhere else. If you walk to a class at the same time as her, or you start walking the same way home, this is a great opening.
3. Start with a compliment. Paying a girl the right compliment makes your intentions clear right away – she’ll know instantly that you’re interested in being more than her friend. Here are some things to consider:
Know how to deliver a compliment. Even the best compliment in the world will fall flat if your delivery is off. Keep a half smile as you talk – it will make you naturally add appealing inflection to your voice. (Try this trick out when you answer the phone sometime and see if you notice a difference.) Maintain eye contact with her, and keep the tones of your voice up, but lower the actual volume – speaking softly immediately communicates intimacy, and it can make her instinctively lean in closer to hear you. If this all sounds a bit difficult, practice it in front of a mirror first.
As anyone who’s ever had a stalker can tell you, there’s a fine but definite line between flattering and creepy. With this in mind, choose your compliment wisely. Saying something like “You always look amazing in that shirt” can come off as weird if you don’t know her well, and implies that you watch her. (Even if you do, it’s best not to spill that information immediately.) Instead, opt for something general but cute, such as “Your smile is glowing today. What’s making you so happy?” or “I thought what you said in class earlier was really interesting.” A good compliment should naturally lead to more conversation, instead of just hanging awkwardly in the air after you say it.
Know what to avoid. If you’re going to pay a girl a compliment about her physical looks, stick to her eyes, smile or hair. Do not comment on her body otherwise, especially on the first interaction.
If you want to play it extra safe, pick something you already know she’s proud of. For instance, if you know she’s a dedicated violinist, say something like, “I’ve heard you’re an amazing musician,” and use it as a way to ask her some questions about it.
4. Keep the conversation moving. You might be tempted to stop talking and just stare at this girl, but don’t let your nerves get the best of you. Allowing a long lull in the conversation will make things feel awkward.
5. Instead, have a mental list of backup questions you can use if you stumble on an uncomfortable pause.
Ask about what she thinks of a shared homework assignment or an upcoming event. Asking for her opinion communicates that you care about what she thinks, and see her as more than just an object.
Use the conversation to find out more about her, but be subtle. For instance, if you want to find out if she already has a boyfriend, you could casually ask, “So, anything fun planned with your boyfriend for the weekend?” If she doesn’t have one and she’s interested in you, she’ll let you know immediately.
Ask open-ended questions. For instance, instead of saying “So, have anything fun planned for the break?” (which can be answered with a short “yes” or “no”), say “What are you going to do to keep busy while school is out?” A question that requires a detailed response is always better to keep a conversation flowing.
6. Make her laugh (optional). If you’re sure you’ve got a joke she’ll appreciate, give it a shot. The goal is to show her you have an engaging sense of humor, but you don’t want to come off as desperate or cheesy.
If possible, crack a joke about the current situation or something you both saw happen. Situational humor is more meaningful than a joke you read online.
Don’t tell a dirty joke. It’s not appropriate for a first conversation, and it might give her the wrong impression.
If she doesn’t get the joke, don’t explain it to her unless she asks. Just move on quickly with a new point of conversation.
Good humor is really attractive, but bad humor is a complete turn off. If you can’t think of a joke that makes sense with the situation at hand, leave it alone.
7. Close the conversation early. Follow that old saying – “Always leave them wanting more.” Find a way to gracefully duck out of the conversation before it goes stale. Good luck!
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